That Healing Touch (Cutter's Creek, Book 1) Page 3

  “At least I’m still proficient at something.”

  “Don’t be sarcastic. Can’t you see I’m trying to help you?”

  “You’re telling me I can’t do this.”

  “I’m not and you know it!”

  Jack reached out, found the chair on the first try and sat. “I need to do things on my own, Howard. I need to know I can live my life without help from anyone.”

  Silence.

  “Howard? Please tell whoever you’ve hired that the position is no longer available.”

  More silence.

  “Howard?”

  “I can’t.” Howard’s voice had dropped into despair – and moved to the other side of the room, somewhere near the office door.

  Jack turned toward Howard’s voice. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m standing right here,” a woman’s voice replied.

  Jack stood, his arms automatically reaching out – a reaction he had when he was startled or, as right now, felt out of control. How long had she been there? He made a show of looking around the room – a silly thing to do, really. “I’m sorry, but I don’t need you.”

  A soft feminine sigh broke the resulting silence. “Looks to me, Mr. Carlson, like you do.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, very soft … comforting.

  “No, I … don’t.” The sound of a chair scraping across the wood floor was followed by a rustle of skirts. She’d taken a seat. “Well?” he added.

  “Well what?” she said, her voice just as soft and compelling as before, but with a core of steel. “Your cousin has hired me to help you, Mr. Carlson, and that’s what I intend to do.”

  “My cousin, with al due respect, hasn’t got the good sense God gave a gopher at times. This unfortunately is one of those times.”

  “But he certainly has a deep place in his heart for you, Mr. Carlson. Though given your current display, I can’t see why.”

  Jack seethed. “How dare you talk to me that way, Miss … Miss …?”

  “Bennett.”

  “Bennett. Now kindly leave.”

  Silence. Jack turned his head this way and that. He knew he was letting his temper get the best of him. She was right – Howard loved him and was only trying to see to his welfare. And how was he repaying him? By biting some poor woman’s head off. What a fool he was making of himself. “Miss Bennett. I … I apologize for speaking to you in such a manner.” He waited and felt his heart stop at the silence. “Miss Bennett?”

  “I forgive you.” Her voice was flat, but it was there.

  He sighed in relief, reached for the chair – and missed! Oh no, where was it? He must’ve moved in his anger, and now wasn’t sure where he stood. His arms began to search empty air.

  The sound of a chair scraping across the floor toward him made him freeze. A soft hand touched his and guided him to it. “Here you are, Mr. Carlson. It’s easy to get turned around.”

  He sat. “Yes, sometimes.”

  “My point exactly!” Howard said. “You see why I did it? Besides, she can take notes for you, help you with anything you need.”

  “I don’t need a nursemaid, cousin.”

  “No, you need a helpmeet … or at the very least, an assistant. Now let Miss Bennett do her job. It’ll make both of our lives easier.”

  “Whose? Mine and Miss Bennett’s?”

  “Perhaps. But I meant mine and Mary’s.”

  Jack stiffened. He’d forgotten about Mary. She’d been doing a lot for him ever since he arrived in Cutter’s Creek – his laundry, cooking, mending his clothes, helping him get around … “Oh yes, Mary.” His head fell to his chest. “She’s been a peach.”

  “She’s been like a wife,” Howard corrected. “But the fact remains, dear cousin, that she’s my wife, not yours. Miss Bennett here can do for you what Mary was doing and then some. Including helping you with your lessons in Braille.”

  Jack grimaced at the word. Braille. In his mind, it was synonymous with weakness. But if he didn’t learn and perfect using it, he’d falter. He did need help – wasn’t it past time he swallowed his pride and admitted as much? “Forgive me, cousin.”

  “Of course,” said Howard. “Now, I’ll leave you two for a moment – I need to help Mary with something.”

  Jack nodded. Miss Bennett said nothing, and he wondered if she was even still in the room. But she had to be – he hadn’t heard her leave. Though after witnessing his little tirade earlier, he wouldn’t blame her for turning tail and running all the way back to where she came from. Wherever that was.

  4

  Jack. Her Jack. It was him!

  And yet it wasn’t, exactly.

  Willow sat and stared dumbfounded. All the way west, she’d dreamed of throwing her arms around him in the hope that he’d kiss her senseless. Now that she was here, her elation at seeing him after so many years was quickly squashed by his condition – and his anger, something she’d never seen him display before. All she could think to do was sob. But she didn’t – not where he could hear.

  Rev. Latsch was trying to help him succeed in his new business venture. Why get so upset at the suggestion of having an assistant? But she saw it was much more than Jack’s pride being pricked by the suggestion. The man’s life had been ripped from him along with his sight.

  “Blind,” she whispered.

  “What was that?”

  Willow swallowed hard, wiped her eyes and stood. “Nothing … Mr. Carlson.” Good heavens, what was she to do now? Did she dare tell him who she was? Should she let him think she was simply some random Miss Bennett sent there to help him? Maybe she should try being his assistant long enough to earn the money to leave …

  … wait a minute. The good reverend had never mentioned anything about money! She was to be this man’s wife, after all – not a paid position. She certainly didn’t have enough left for train fare back to Delaware. Did she even have the option of leaving?

  Dear God … was she trapped thousands of miles from home, with only the shell of the man she’d once loved?!

  “I apologize for my earlier outburst, Miss … I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

  That stung. Perhaps it was better he didn’t find out who she really was. “Bennett.”

  “Yes. As you can see … er, I can’t. See, that is.”

  “You’ve managed a good job of informing me, sir.”

  He licked dry lips and nodded. “I’m not usually so dramatic. You’ve caught me on a bad day, is all.”

  “I would imagine you’ve had a few of those since the war.” She studied him. He was just as handsome as she’d remembered, if more careworn. She suspected he hadn’t truly slept in months. “May I inquire if that’s how you lost your sight?” It was a bold question, but she had to know.

  “Yes, it was,” he said solemnly. “Gunpowder got in my eyes from a Rebel near-miss at Sailor’s Corner, three days before Appomattox. Another week and the war was over.” He chuckled ruefully. “Folks tell me I’m lucky that’s all I lost.”

  “They’re right.”

  His face turned to her and for a moment she swore his eyes met hers. But how could they? “I’m inclined to debate their opinion.” His tone had an edge to it.

  For some reason, it rankled. “You’d prefer the alternative?”

  He stared at her a moment, expressionless. “You think I’m a fool, don’t you?”

  “I never said that, Mr. Carlson.”

  He smiled, and her breath caught. “No, but you were thinking it. Who wouldn’t after they’ve seen my cousin the dear Rev. Latsch try so hard to help me? What do I do? I throw a temper tantrum, for lack of a better term.”

  She took a step forward, unable to help herself. His expression seemed so lost. She reached out a hand toward him, then realized he was unable to see the gesture. “I’m sorry you lost your sight in the war, Mr. Carlson. I’m not sorry to see your cousin do his best to make sure you don’t lose anything else.”

  He straightened. “Ouch.” He turned his face away. “P
oint well taken, Miss Bennett. I … it’s been hard for me. And yes, there are times I wish I had lost my life. So many of my friends did.”

  “I know how you feel. I lost my family to the war.”

  “Oh …” His face turned toward her again. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”

  Tears stung her eyes as her gaze dropped to the floor. “So am I.” Jack, she silently mouthed. Oh, Jack.

  “Well, as Howard has seen fit to hire you to be my assistant, we’d best get to work.”

  Willow shook herself. “Yes, of course. What did you have in mind for me to do?”

  Jack reached for the chair, found it on the first try and sat. “I’m not really sure. Perhaps you can help me decide what your duties will be?”

  She approached the desk, took the only other chair and sat. “What sort of business are you starting?”

  “Business? What business?”

  Willow blanched. Oh dear … what was Rev. Latsch thinking when he answered the advertisement for a mail-order bride? The good sense God gave a gopher, indeed! “I mean … what else would you need an assistant for? Unless you’re writing a book? I could definitely help with that. Or are you going to be teaching? Or …”

  He smiled and shook his head. “None of those, I’m afraid. In truth, Miss Bennett, I’m the one that needs to be taught. Howard has told me about some schools for the blind, but they’re all too far away. I’m still trying to learn to read all over again.” He swallowed hard. “Howard’s wife was helping, but … she does have other responsibilities. You wouldn’t happen to read Braille, would you?”

  Willow’s tears returned. “No, but I’d be willing to learn.” His eyes seemed to lock on her face. Did he have at least some use of his vision? The thought that he was totally blind, yet had his eyes glued to her, was unnerving. “How hard can it be?” she said lightly.

  “For you, I have no idea. What say we find out?”

  Willow smiled and wiped her eyes. “All right. Let’s.”

  After Jack decided on a lesson schedule, beginning first thing in the morning, Willow retreated to her room to take everything in. Flinging herself onto the small bed and weeping wasn’t what she’d planned to do with the break, but that’s what she ended up doing.

  “Ja-a-a-ack,” she sobbed as the tears fell. “How could this have happened?” All the emotion she’d kept pent up inside came gushing forth. To see him so incapacitated, so … not himself, was heart wrenching. She kept reminding herself things could have been a lot worse. He could be dead.

  But was this much different? The vibrant, strong, handsome Jack Carlson she knew was gone, replaced by a bitter, angry cripple. Yes, he still had moments of congeniality, but how long would they last? He hated his blindness, and it in turn made him hate everything else. That is, unless he could accept it. From the looks of things, however, he wasn’t even close.

  Willow slid off the bed and sank to her knees. “Father in Heaven, why? Why did you let him lose his sight?”

  But the Almighty had nothing to say. There was no stirring in her heart, no sense of peace in her soul, only the gaping wound left after one’s hopes and dreams have been crushed.

  After several minutes she pushed herself up and sat on the bed, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “Why?” came out a whisper. “You knew what I wanted. What I’ve always wanted. And now it’s gone.”

  Then silence surrounded her, closed in on her raw nerves, calming her mind and soul. A tiny smile curved her mouth. “There you are …” For the next ten minutes she sat and said nothing. Instead she let the quiet engulf her. Maybe she’d hear the words she longed for, that Jack’s sight would be restored.

  But the Lord remained silent, and Willow knew what that meant. Wait.

  Jack sat in the front pew of the little red chapel and played with his hands. He couldn’t see them, but he’d discovered he liked the feel of his interlocked fingers pulling and tugging against each other. His sense of touch had heightened since the blindness took him and he sometimes marveled at that. But it wasn’t enough to make the rage he felt go away.

  He didn’t feel that way all the time, mind you, but often enough over the last few months that even he was getting worried. It came out of nowhere, hitting him hard and fast without warning sometimes. This afternoon in the church office had been especially bad – if Howard had been within striking distance, he’d have hit him. Thank Heaven he couldn’t see him.

  And therein lay his problem, the root of his anger: his helplessness. The same thing that kept him from hitting his cousin was the cause of wanting to hit him in the first place. And now he had this Miss Bennett to contend with. What was he supposed to do with her? Did Howard think he couldn’t do things on his own?

  Well … yes, Howard probably did. And was probably right. But he’d learn to soon enough, with or without help, and he’d prefer without. Still, thanks to Howard and Mary, Miss Bennett probably wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe he should let the woman help him … he frowned again. He didn’t want anyone’s pity, and he knew he had hers. He could hear it in her voice, feel it in the air.

  Fine, she could teach him Braille if Mary was no longer going to. Then he’d find a way to be rid of her. But … what then? What was he going to do with his life? How could he even help Howard and Mary? He could do nothing without his sight, nothing! He was nothing more than a helpless babe, unable to work, unable to support himself.

  And Howard’s previous suggestion that he marry … absurd, simply absurd. What his cousin thought he could do with a wife was beyond him. He had no means of providing for or protecting one. He was reliant on God’s mercy and good humor to see him through. A wife would only complicate matters. Besides, a woman wanted a man, not a …

  “Jack?”

  Jack sighed and rested his hands in his lap. “What do you want, cousin?” he answered, more sharply than he intended.

  “How did it go?”

  “If you’re referring to Miss Bennett, I’m going to have her help me with Braille. But that’s it.”

  A shuffling of feet as Howard approached the pew. “What do you mean, that’s it? I brought her here to do more than help you learn Braille. She can help you with so much.”

  “Like what? Feed me, perhaps?”

  “Don’t be like that. I know you’re angry, but I have your best interests in mind.”

  Jack sighed. “Howard, I know you’re only trying to help. It’s just that I’m not sure I can control myself when I … get upset.”

  “Upset?”

  “Earlier in your office – you saw what happened. It comes when it will, and I have trouble stopping it.”

  Howard sat next to him. “I understand. I also know that the anger will pass. You just have to give yourself time.”

  “How much – weeks, months, years? I don’t know how to get past this, cousin. I don’t know what to think sometimes from one minute to the next. Half the time I don’t know how I feel. Or if I even want to feel.”

  Howard took his hand. “You’re learning how to live your life again. That takes courage, Jack, real courage. You’ll get through this. I know you will.”

  Jack rubbed his free hand over his face a few times. “At least one of us is confident.”

  “I can be as confident as you need me to be. So can Miss Bennett.”

  Jack chuckled. “Miss Bennett … where’d you find her, anyway?”

  “Never mind where I found her – just be glad she’s here.”

  Jack pulled his hand from Howard’s. “One of us is glad about that too. But I can’t say it’s me.” He stood, turned on his heel and, using the pews as guides, walked down the center aisle of the church and out the door.

  5

  Willow watched Mary prepare a plate for Jack, then followed her into the dining room where the men sat and waited for supper. Mary set the plate in front of Jack and turned it just so. “Potatoes on the left, chicken on the right, carrots at the top.”

  Jack smiled. “Thank you, Mary – much obl
iged.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said. “Be right back.”

  Willow followed her into the kitchen. “So that’s how you serve him?”

  “That’s how he likes it.”

  Willow glanced at the door to the dining room and back again. “I’ll grant you that the man is blind, but he’s not helpless. He’s perfectly capable of figuring out what’s on his plate and where.”

  Mary smiled half-heartedly. “I know I spoil him. Perhaps you’ll do better than I have. I’m also afraid that I’ve gotten the easy part.”

  “What do you mean?” Willow asked.

  “When he came to us, he was still in shock over what had happened. That made him more amiable. You saw how he thanked me.”

  “Of course he thanked you. It’s the polite thing to do.”

  “True, but Howard told me how he acted earlier today. That anger isn’t like him. He’s starting to feel again. That’s the man you’re going to have to deal with. The question is, do you want to?”

  Willow leaned back against the kitchen worktable. Was she giving her the choice? If so, would they help her leave? She had very little. It was either marry Jack Carlson or eventually starve. Unless she could find work in Cutter’s Creek, but the place was so small she wasn’t sure what sort of work would be available to her.

  She wasn’t ready to let Mary know she had no choice. And she needed one – once Jack found out why she was really there, he’d probably throw her out himself. He’d be much more forgiving with Howard and Mary. After all, they were the ones providing a roof over his head.

  “All I can do is try,” she finally said.

  “Help me carry these into the dining room,” Mary said as she picked up a plate of chicken.

  Willow grabbed a bowl of mashed potatoes and one of carrots and returned to the dining room with her. They placed everything on the table, then sat and waited for Howard to say the blessing. That done, they began to eat.

  Willow ate too, but mostly watched. Jack picked up his fork with no problem, stabbed it into his mashed potatoes with practiced precision and took a bite. “Mmmm … these are delicious, Mary.” He ate one piece of carrot before tackling his chicken, using his hands for the latter, and was done with his meal before any of them.